here comes the rain again

Ohhhh the troubled couple that is Jordan and Katie.

You know, I should preface this entire thing by saying when they began dating, I was the one who hooked them up. I knew they liked each other, and I knew they could both use some happiness in their life, so I initiated their relationship sortof, so that they could.

This caused buttloads of unrelated drama.

What I didn't know, at the time, was that this couple.. was about to become a monster of dishonesty, immaturity and jealousy, all rolled into their low-self esteem shirtpockets. Katie, however, controls the show.

Jordan is... dumb. He doesn't make decisions well for himself, and he listens intently to others' opinions and advice, and he takes it. Thus, Katie became his absolute advisor on life. While this happened his right to an opinion vanished. Why he is still with her, after the things she has done to him, I will never know.

I don't have the same respect for him I once did, because of it all. He proved he was inable to stand up for himself, that he prefer Katie make the decisions. I view that to be pathetic. He, at 19--nearly 20, does not make decisions for himself. His mother did(and does, she's a bloody cow), and now it's Katie[but it could've been some other girl... bad luck on his part.)

Katie is insecure, she is depressed, she has low self esteem, and because of these things she is the typical paranoid and jealous girlfriend. With an extreme neediness for constant attention and affection, re-affirmation if you will. She needs him to validate her very existence. But do I believe she loves him? No. Well, I don't know. In my opinion? My humblest opinion? No, I don't think she does. I think he fills a certain void for her, that if he hadn't some other poor sucker would've. She is emotionally volatile, untrusting, easy to anger and quick to act irrationally. She is a nightmare. She is Katie, now in-separable from my once best friend in the world, Jordan.

Jordan and I have pretty much drifted, because of her, directly and indirectly. She and I had a period of hate-on for each other, and he abandoned me during it. I understand his need to be neutral, absolutely. But he abandoned me completely. I did not have him when I needed him; when I needed to try and cope with something that was completely created by her. Their inability to communicate caused the entire fight, which quickly spiralled into her unbridled anger taking over everyone... and she directed all of it at me. I never asked Jordan to shield me from it, but I needed my friend, at least to find comfort in company if he was unwilling to talk about it. Instead, he stayed by her side throughout it, even though it was her betrayal of him that brought about the entire affair.

So anyways.. two months from the drama and the betrayal and the diminishment of a friendship between Jordan and I... I recieve a series of texts, from Jordan.

"Please don't tell anyone a soul about this, but is there any chance Katie is cheating on me, or would cheat on me?"

You know, I don't know what to do. I resent being ditched, abandoned, but then relied upon when the times between he and Katie get hard again. I don't know...

Would Katie cheat on him? Drunkenly, yes, I think she would. Soberly? Don't know.

The thing is, for Katie, Jordan is a filler. Jordan relieves an inadequacy within her. Would she seek it somewhere else, since Jordan is in Vancouver and she in Ontario? Yes, I think she would.

But do I voice that opinion to Jordan? I don't know. What a conundrum I am faced with. I shall consult Dave and Marianne before I respond.

Buuut, regardless, He will hear about my discontentment with suddenly being reinstated to trusted confidante from abandoned friend. I will be absolutely truthful with him about how much he incredibly hurt me, and how much respect I have lost for him in the process.

the inaugaural post

today is about dave.
today is about five months of my life, i practically devoted to worshipping him.
today is about all of the times jordan, or lauren, told me to get over it; that he was an idiot.

david. what to even say about him. he's an idiot. he's clueless. absolutely fucking clueless. like actually, i believe that his social and emotional development ended at like.. age 11. he can't read ANY situation. he doesn't understand that your actions speak louder than words. he does things that apparently don't actually mean anything.

those sorts of things have left me cold now. i let myself fall--sort-of. as much as one could fall without it being a real relationship. but much further than i'd ever let myself fall if it was only an unreciprocated crush. it was unreciprocated in word, but fully reciprocated in action.

he's a fuck.

and NOW, he's going to go date a fucking grade eleven girl.
after months, and months of him lecturing me about how it's weird for age differences in relationships.
when the real truth of it all is that he is desperate. he isn't selective, he's desperate.

a desperate loser with bad fucking hair.

i don't know why i couldn't see it until now.

oh, and we have to live together in september.

greaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

at least, from now on, i will not take his criticisms. he is not better than me. i am far above and beyond him.